First I must say that this will sound like 2 blogs rolled up in one, and it might be a little long!!
Have you ever looked back from where you came from, and look forward to where you are going? I, just like many people, have actually looked into the back side of my memory area as I am not sure what you would call that and remembered where I came from. There are things I love to remember, and then there are some things I would rather sometimes forget. Those good memories happen to involve my family, and the few friends I had, while the bad memories mainly include being bullied. Growing up for me was a hard nature because I didn't have money growing up, and the people that were growing up along side of me, my peers, had money. In the little town of Watseka when I grew up if you didn't have a whole lot of money you didn't fit in. I mainly got bullied because I had lack of money, and I wasn't as skinny as a lot of people. I grew up knowing that there were a lot of judgmental people. Sometimes I look back from where I really grew up, and most of the time I wish I was homeschooled for the constant bullying nature that people put onto me. When you are growing up bullying can do a lot of harm to you, and can make you real insecure which I am. I am insecure of myself, and I have the lack of self-esteem. I never got invited to the parties, and most of the time I sat home in the country in my room wondering why people didn't want to hang out with me. Yes, for the most it has taken a lot of me to come and write to my blog about how I felt. I felt like I didn't belong. I loved school, but for the most people made me hate actually going to school. Why am I bringing up these old memories? It's because I think people need to realize what they did and how they treated people back then wasn't right!! Since those people have grown up into adults you must ask yourself would those people really want their children to be bullied? I sometimes wonder if the people that bullied me or that acted like my friend is still like that in the grown up world?!? As kids the only things we are supposed to actually care about is getting homework done, and possibly any chores we needed to do. My childhood I was more worried about is am I going to be picked on today?, or is that person going to be at school today? Honestly, this blog was not supposed to be about bullying, but I just let my heart type what it really felt. I guess it felt the need to let people know what was happening when I was growing up!! Now on to the second portion of my blog!!:
I feel like that there were some people I didn't treat very right in my life. So, Gary Lowery, Diane Lowery, Amanda Lowery, Renee Lowery, Alan Lowery, & Nicole Lowery I would like to apologize for anything that I have ever done to you that hurt your feelings or anything else!! This is a true heart apology. I write better than actually saying so my apology has to be wrote in my blog!! I feel like we never got along until recently, and I am not sure why. Probably because growing up I was a big cry baby (yes I will admit it), and we never seen eye to eye!! You guys are family, and no matter what I will love you guys!! Onto another subject there are some people I feel like I withdrew from a little bit, and possibly a lot. Shelley Duffield, Aaron Duffield, Stephanie Blackwell (Ponton), Melinda Miller (Osenga), & Carol Trombley!! I wish I was around a lot more because I feel like I never talk to any of you!! Yes, we talk once in a while, but we never talk all the time!! I definitely say I feel like we withdrew from each a little bit. If we could find a way to talk to each more I am definitely up for it!! I know we are all adults and we have busy lifes, but we should never be to busy to pick up the phone or even text and say hi!! Then onto the people that are the most important in my life which happens to be my mom, Kathy Ponton & my dad, Rick Ponton!! I love you guys with all my heart. I wish we talked to each other more, and I know sometimes it is hard. I do regret dad never getting to adopt me because I always wanted the Ponton name!! Even though I am too old I do wish that I could be adopted where Ponton could be part of my name, and Osenga be washed out forever!! That's just the way I live!! I know we have had our differences, but in the end it always came down to the fact that we are family and we love each other!! I should have been a better daughter, but for some reason I wasn't!! There is no such thing as being perfect anyways!! I honestly don't know why I wrote this!! I felt it was something I just had to do that was building in my heart!! You may not read this, but in the end I will still love you.
Thank you for reading my blog even if it doesn't make sense to you!! :) xoxoxo
