New Day, New Beginnings (maybe)

I know lately I have seemed to be happy one minute and sad the next! Its all because I don't try to find what makes me stay happy!! I have since Sunday been in a happy mood because I decided to think in a different way!! I used to think people were looking at me, but no more!! I am starting new beginnings where I don't care if people look at me!! Its not my fault theh want to include me in their world!! :) Also, I have to look at what makes me happy which include: a roof over my head, 3 dogs that show me unconditional love, a wonderful husband, i never go without, i never go to bed hungry, & most importantly I am doing something which I love, I started a course for photography so I can be a photographer!! I love taking pictures!! So as you can see I have plenty to be happy about!! Yes, I do live about 500 miles from my family, and I get homesick! You may be asking yourself, "why would you leave home or at least go that far?" The answer is simple!! I could not live under my parents' wings forever!! I had to grow and show that I am independent!! Do I need my parents? The answer is simple yes I need them! I would like to be able to meet my mom for lunch once a week or have a family game night, but thats not how it ended up! I would love to talk to them about personal things in person, but things didnt work out that way! Would I ever move back to Illinois? Probably not because I dont want to travel 40 miles to get to a mall!! I wanted to live in some civilization although I do miss the country sometimes!! So dont be confused here!! Yes, I miss all my family and everything but I am doing alright!! I am happy where I am in life, and who I have become!! I want to start the next chapter in my life which includes having a family!! I am at the point where I sm ready!! I am at the mature stage I wanted to be at, the hubby and I are financially set, we have been married 5 years, and we enjoyed our lives enough where now if we had a baby we probably wouldn't miss it!! This is where I am at in my life and am ready to bring a life into this world!! Other people will want a baby at different times in their life, but that is why we are all different!! If you are ready in your life to bring someone into it then go ahead!!

This was all on my mind tonight!! I just wanted to say that I am in a happier mood then I was in last week!! have a good night!! :) *Remember to always smile because you don't know who is falling in love with your smile!!*

It's hard to think like this

Have you ever had a need you wanted so badly that it hurts? That is the situation I am in right now. For the past 8 months I have wanted a baby so I could have a family!! I have a problem though. It's not that I can't get pregnant, but its another problem!! A very personal problem that I don't feel like sharing!! I have waited to want children until I grew up and was more mature. Well, that time has come!! I am 25, I am more mature than ever (at least I think so), and I have been married for 5 years!! Don't you think it's time that we have a family. I was going to wait until I lost a lot of weight, but then it dawned on me that it could be a while longer!! I am actually tired of waiting!! It hurts my heart to know something personal is going on, and I can't tell anyone because it is quite embarrassing!! I know I am a little on the heavier side, but I know I would make a great mom!! hmmm...... I don't know what else to say!! I just had to write this little blog to get it off my chest!! Well, until next time!! See ya!!

Its a cruel world!!

Have you ever felt that you were not pretty or skinny enough? Well, you are not alone!! We, girls, are living in a society where we all should be beautiful or skinny!! If we don't fit what society wants we get into a depressed because we think people are constantly staring at us! As a bigger girl I have been in a depressed situation because I think people are constantly staring me, or none of my clothes seem to fit my body just right!! I tend to think of Christina Aguilera's song "beautiful" and realize I shouldn't care what people think!! Well since I have become depressed I realized that I am going on a diet!! I am not trying to lose weight for anyone, but myself!! I know in the end I will lose weight, and I will be happy!! I am gonna have a different blog to discuss my weight loss journey!! Until next... "you are beautiful, no matter what they say"- Beautiful by Christina Aguilera

Cruise 2012

Well its been a few days since I have written, so the thing I wanted to write about was the next NKOTB cruise happening in 2012!! Well I won't know until Thursday if I am going because I have to get a room booked!! There are so many girls wanting to go so I have to at first try to get a room!! I will definitely post my excitement if I get a room Thursday!! At first I wanted to get the penthouse suite so I could be in the first 2 rows!! Well in order to get that room you have to have a roommate!! I have searched for a roommate just so I could get that room! Well I thought about it and decided to room by myself because I could come and go in my room as I please, I could watch tv as long as I want once in the room for the night!! I may be quiet, but this year I am going to have the time of my life!! I might meet friends easily, but then again I am not going for anyone, but to enjoy the time with the guys!! I am hoping I get a good Donnie pic this year!! Hopefully I will get a Jordan pic too!! The best part is is that I will get my photo op with all the guys by myself!! I am sooo excited I don't know how I will be able to contain myself for 9 months!! ahhh... i am definitely so happy!! let's all hope I get a room Thursday at 12 pm EST!!! woohoo!! lets cruise this 2012!!!

Fear? Fear.

I know my title isn't much, but thats the only title I could think of when writing about death!! I know one day and it will come that I won't be here! Am I scared? Or am I ready? Yes, I amdefinitely scared, and I would like to believe I am ready!! Wouldn't you be afraid knowing that one day you are going to leave this world? I know when we die I will be in a better place!! I do in fact, believe in heaven and hell!! I know that I will be going to heaven one day, and I know I will definitely be ready at that time!! Maybe I am afraid that I am going to die at a young age, or that I am going to miss out on the important things when I leave? I don't think anybody wants to die, but we all have to face the fact that it will happen eventually!! I do get sad when I think of the important people leaving me!! I have been afraid ever since I was younger!! I also get a lil depressed when I think of my dogs passing away!! I don't know what I will do when they do pass!! The main thing is I need to enjoy my time with my puppies! The fact is, is nobody knows how long they have left on this plant!! The main thing is we need to live each day like it is our last!! No, you should not be worried that I wrote about death because I just needed to write what I was feeling!! So go ahead and live your life to the fullest!! Also, speak to the people you have grown estranged from because you dont want to regret anything if something ever happens!! It is about time that we forgive and forget the little things!! I know after this post I will go say sorry to the people that I love!! Never forget to say I love you to your loved ones, and last but not least cherish each day!!!

Thinking...

As I sit around and ponder what to write about it I am trying to think of what needs to be done or what I want to write about. I know that there are some things I have to do that need to get done, but right now I don't have the energy to get up. On the good news I think I might finally getting to feel better!! woohoo.... it is about freaking time!! I am still a little dizzy here and there, but on the other hand I am feeling better than I have in a while. Ok... I figured out what to talk about... my puppies!! Is that ok everyone?!? I never thought I would have a dog of my own let alone have three dogs, but I do!! I am the person that always grew up hating dogs, but yet I have three dogs! You must think I actually like dogs then! Am I right? Wrong... I only like a certain kind of dogs!! I like the small little dogs that dont really grow tall wise!! See, I have two yorkies, and a yorkie/rat terrier mix which are the dogs that grow a little, but not too much!! ok now get a dalmation around me I will freak out!! lol.... :) I also might freak out if it is a smaller type of dog, but I am not used to that dog... get the picture now? ok... anyways.... I consider these three puppies to my world... I talk to them even though they don't respond; I spoil them when I probably shouldn't; and I just plain in fact love them. They are the smartest three little dogs around!! For instance, if I tell Minnie to come here, but don't pat myself she still comes. If I tell thumper that I love her she licks me!! For example, three licks means I love you, 4 licks means I love you too; 5 licks means I love you too mom, and 1 lick means yep!! It may not really mean that, but she gives those amounts of licks so that is what I put into.... Now Mickie on the other hand plays smarts around me!! If she knows she has to go in her kennel she will either go under the chair and run back and forth pretty much saying haha you can't get me, or she will just run circles around me! no matter what though I love all three girls!! I feel like they are my babies because you know what? they are!! well I don't know what else to say right now, but I do think God for bringing me these 3 little gifts into my life!! I like to think each one was brought into my life for a certain type of reasoning... well that's all I have to write today!!

Why

Ok... you maybe noticing that I have a different blogging website than wordpress! Well, the reason is easy I don't think I was real happy with wordpress!! I might keep wordpress, but I am signed up on a couple different blog sites!! I want sites where I can put a picture up!! This is the same type of blogging as the other blog site, but I wanted something more better for me!! where I can have a cool background and different things!! All my blogs have different types of things!! One blog site is dedicated to NKOTB, & I have a couple more prolly for other things!! They might close I havent decided yet!! hope you enjoy!!