New Day, New Beginnings (maybe)

I know lately I have seemed to be happy one minute and sad the next! Its all because I don't try to find what makes me stay happy!! I have since Sunday been in a happy mood because I decided to think in a different way!! I used to think people were looking at me, but no more!! I am starting new beginnings where I don't care if people look at me!! Its not my fault theh want to include me in their world!! :) Also, I have to look at what makes me happy which include: a roof over my head, 3 dogs that show me unconditional love, a wonderful husband, i never go without, i never go to bed hungry, & most importantly I am doing something which I love, I started a course for photography so I can be a photographer!! I love taking pictures!! So as you can see I have plenty to be happy about!! Yes, I do live about 500 miles from my family, and I get homesick! You may be asking yourself, "why would you leave home or at least go that far?" The answer is simple!! I could not live under my parents' wings forever!! I had to grow and show that I am independent!! Do I need my parents? The answer is simple yes I need them! I would like to be able to meet my mom for lunch once a week or have a family game night, but thats not how it ended up! I would love to talk to them about personal things in person, but things didnt work out that way! Would I ever move back to Illinois? Probably not because I dont want to travel 40 miles to get to a mall!! I wanted to live in some civilization although I do miss the country sometimes!! So dont be confused here!! Yes, I miss all my family and everything but I am doing alright!! I am happy where I am in life, and who I have become!! I want to start the next chapter in my life which includes having a family!! I am at the point where I sm ready!! I am at the mature stage I wanted to be at, the hubby and I are financially set, we have been married 5 years, and we enjoyed our lives enough where now if we had a baby we probably wouldn't miss it!! This is where I am at in my life and am ready to bring a life into this world!! Other people will want a baby at different times in their life, but that is why we are all different!! If you are ready in your life to bring someone into it then go ahead!!

This was all on my mind tonight!! I just wanted to say that I am in a happier mood then I was in last week!! have a good night!! :) *Remember to always smile because you don't know who is falling in love with your smile!!*

It's hard to think like this

Have you ever had a need you wanted so badly that it hurts? That is the situation I am in right now. For the past 8 months I have wanted a baby so I could have a family!! I have a problem though. It's not that I can't get pregnant, but its another problem!! A very personal problem that I don't feel like sharing!! I have waited to want children until I grew up and was more mature. Well, that time has come!! I am 25, I am more mature than ever (at least I think so), and I have been married for 5 years!! Don't you think it's time that we have a family. I was going to wait until I lost a lot of weight, but then it dawned on me that it could be a while longer!! I am actually tired of waiting!! It hurts my heart to know something personal is going on, and I can't tell anyone because it is quite embarrassing!! I know I am a little on the heavier side, but I know I would make a great mom!! hmmm...... I don't know what else to say!! I just had to write this little blog to get it off my chest!! Well, until next time!! See ya!!